Thinking About Leaving an Abusive Relationship? Here’s What to Know
When you realize you’re in an abusive relationship, a flood of emotions can hit:
Shame. Self-doubt. Confusion. Even disbelief.
You might ask yourself:
“How did I let this happen?”
“Why didn’t I see it sooner?”
But here’s something you need to know right now:
Abuse happens incrementally. It builds over time.
Whether the abuse is emotional, mental, physical, sexual, or financial—it rarely starts out extreme. It often begins with subtle manipulation, justifications, and apologies.
This is why it’s common to justify or minimize what’s happening—especially if the abuse is emotional or psychological.
Emotional and Mental Abuse Is Often the Hardest to Recognize
Criticism that’s disguised as “help.”
Control that’s framed as “protection.”
Isolation masked as “quality time.”
Emotional abuse chips away at your self-worth.
And because there’s often no visible evidence, it’s easier to question yourself than the other person.
But let’s be clear:
Abuse—of any kind—has no place in a healthy relationship.
If You’re Thinking About Leaving an Abusive Relationship…
First: I see you.
Second: I want to emphasize that leaving an abusive relationship is often the most dangerous time.
This isn’t to scare you—it’s to help you create the safest and most supportive exit plan possible.
Below are some important considerations and steps to think through as you prepare to leave.
1. Do You Have External Support?
Abusive partners often isolate their victims from friends, family, or any external support. You may have been moved far from loved ones or emotionally cut off from your circle.
If you’re feeling alone, now is the time to:
Reach out to trusted friends or family—even if it's been a while
Locate community resources in your area, like domestic violence agencies or support groups
Find a therapist who is trained in trauma and domestic violence recovery
You’ll need emotional support, practical help, and validation as you navigate this process. And yes—you absolutely deserve it.
2. Where Will You Live?
If you live with your abuser, you’ll need to consider your housing options:
If you're married or share a lease or mortgage, talk with a legal advocate to understand your rights
If there’s been physical abuse, you may qualify for an order of protection
Reach out to local domestic violence shelters or organizations—they often have advocates who can help with paperwork, referrals to legal services, or temporary housing
Regardless of your financial situation, you have options. The goal is to find what’s safest and most accessible.
3. What Will You Need After You Leave?
Depending on your situation, you might leave with only the clothes on your back—or a moving truck full of belongings. Either way, you’ll need support.
Consider the following:
Basic needs: food, clothing, hygiene items
Housing and transportation
Financial support or employment resources
Medical care or prescriptions
Ongoing emotional and mental health support
Creating a short list of what you’ll need can help you plan and feel more grounded during a very uncertain time.
Safety Comes First
No matter what kind of abuse you’re experiencing—emotional, physical, financial, or otherwise—your safety is the top priority.
Create a safety plan before leaving
Let someone you trust know what’s happening
Have important documents and essentials packed and ready if you need to leave quickly
And please remember: Seeking support doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re strong enough to choose yourself.
You May Need Professional Help Before You Leave
This blog isn’t a substitute for personalized guidance.
Every situation is unique.
And sometimes the safest way to leave… is with help.
Please don’t rely solely on advice from the internet. Instead, reach out to professionals who can support you through this process.
Resources for Domestic Violence and Emotional Abuse Support
💡 To Build a Safety Plan
Women's Law Safety Planning Guide
📞 National Resources
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1−800−799−SAFE (7233)
Text START to 88788
🏥 Local Support
Your local police or sheriff’s department
Local hospital or primary care doctor
Local Legal Aid Office
Domestic Violence Shelters and Resource Centers
🧠 Where to Find a Therapist
Through your health insurance provider
An Employee Assistance Program (EAP) at work
Final Words: You Are Not Alone
If you’re reading this and wondering how you got here, please know—you’re not to blame.
Abuse doesn’t happen because of who you are.
It happens because of what someone else chose to do.
You are worthy of safety.
You are worthy of support.
And you are allowed to leave—even if the world taught you to stay.
You don’t need to have all the answers yet. You just need to take one step.
And if that step is asking for help—then that’s already brave as hell.
