Embracing Solitude: How Divorce Can Lead You Back to Yourself
When you spend years sharing your life with someone, being alone can feel... strange.
Disorienting.
Painful.
Quiet.
I lived with my husband for over a decade. We shared a home, a routine, a life. So waking up without him? Weird.
Eating dinner solo? Weird.
Watching TV without someone beside me, or spending my birthday and anniversary alone? Also weird.
And don’t even get me started on Facebook Memories.
Every photo, every reminder brings up what I’ve lost—plans, expectations, and the life I thought I was building.
Loneliness Hits Different After Divorce
Being alone after divorce isn’t just about solitude—it’s about grief.
It’s the kind of grief that sneaks up on you in waves. One minute you're fine, the next you’re crying in your car because your court date got scheduled. You feel it when you drive past your old favorite spots. You feel it when you instinctively reach for your phone to text your ex about something funny, then stop yourself mid-scroll.
And you might still hit send.
You might still fall back into the dance you swore you were done with.
That doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means you’re human.
Leaning Into Solitude Takes Practice
When you’re newly single, loneliness can be deafening. But if you let yourself lean into it instead of avoiding it, you’ll start to notice something powerful: solitude can become your sanctuary.
It’s not easy. Sitting with yourself means sitting with everything—self-doubt, judgment, guilt, grief. There are no distractions when it’s just you. But this space is where healing happens. It’s where clarity begins.
I Forgot What I Even Liked
During my marriage, I spent a lot of time prioritizing someone else.
I cooked what he liked, made plans around his schedule, watched his shows.
I didn’t speak up about what I wanted—sometimes out of habit, sometimes out of fear. That pattern became my normal.
Now it’s just me.
No one to check in with. No one else’s feelings to filter my life through.
And while yes, I’ve got Leroy (my pup) and my son, this is the first time in years that I haven’t had a partner to center my decisions around.
It’s been an adjustment.
But it’s also been liberating as hell.
Why Most People Avoid Being Alone
Because it’s uncomfortable.
Because that’s where all the hard truths live.
Because when we’re alone, the noise quiets down—and that’s when we finally hear our inner voice.
For many of us, that voice has been drowned out by years of people-pleasing, codependency, or simply surviving.
But when we stop running from ourselves, we start finding ourselves.
Solitude Is a Gateway
This space—this quiet, uncertain, sometimes painful space—is where you reconnect with what you want.
The things that make you laugh.
The things you’ve always wanted to try.
The hobbies, the dreams, the tiny whispers that got buried under your relationship.
You don’t need anyone’s permission to pursue joy.
You don’t have to check in with someone before spending money on a solo trip or taking that broom-making class (yes, I’m serious).
You don’t have to explain yourself, justify yourself, or dilute yourself.
This is your time.
Is It Uncomfortable? Absolutely.
You’re not used to this yet.
You’re used to sharing the weight of decisions.
You’re used to considering someone else’s opinion before you make a move.
But embracing your independence means learning to sit with that discomfort—and realizing it’s also where freedom lives.
Not everyone gets the chance to start over.
You do.
Live So You Don’t Look Back With Regret
This is your opportunity.
To read more.
Travel more.
Create more.
Prioritize your self-care.
Follow that dream.
Reclaim your time, your energy, your life.
Years from now, you won’t be thinking about who didn’t support you—you’ll be proud of yourself for going after the life you wanted anyway.
Why I’m Choosing Solitude (On Purpose)
I want to hear my own voice again.
I want my intuition to speak louder than my fear.
I want to listen to the confident, wise woman inside me who says, “Yes, you can do this. And even if you can’t yet, you will.”
Because I’m not waiting for someone to save me anymore.
I’m choosing to save myself.
Ready to Embrace Your Independence? Try These Journal Prompts
When I feel loneliness bubble up, I usually...
My biggest fear about being alone is…
Because of this relationship, I’ve learned…
Something that brings me joy or pleasure is…
Being independent means…
Now that I’m alone, I finally can…
As you write, pay attention to what comes up. Sit with it. Breathe through it.
No judgment—just curiosity.
Final Thoughts
You have one life.
Make it one you’re proud of.
Let every experience—especially the painful ones—teach you how to love yourself deeper, stand more firmly in your truth, and move forward with purpose.
You don’t need permission to live boldly.
You just need to begin.
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Keep Being Bravely You
Amanda
