How I’m Navigating Divorce (And What Self-Care Really Looks Like Right Now)
“How are you dealing with the divorce?”
They ask me with a soft voice and that solemn look of concern.
Here’s the truth:
Divorce is hard.
Even when it’s the right decision.
Even when you’ve outgrown the relationship.
Even when it brings relief.
Ending a relationship that helped you grow and reconnect with yourself still leaves a mark. There’s grief, there’s heartache, and there’s this wild swinging between “I’ve got this” and “What the hell am I doing?”
Too Much Positivity? Too Much Pain? Finding the Middle Is the Work.
If you lean too far into positivity, you risk gaslighting yourself.
You bypass the pain. You avoid processing the grief.
You smile through it but feel like you’re slowly unraveling inside.
If you lean too far into the pain, you can get stuck in the what-ifs, the if-onlys, and the self-judgment spiral.
The sweet spot—the healing spot—is somewhere in between.
And if you’re anything like me, you’ll swing between the two more than once.
What I’ve Learned Two Months Into My Divorce Journey
When my husband told me he wanted a divorce, I felt an unexpected rush of relief.
Not because I didn’t love him—but because, for the first time in a long time, the truth was on the table. No more wondering.
No more trying to make something work that wasn’t working.
I agreed it was for the best.
We were both unhappy.
And honestly? I was tired of putting on a brave face and pretending everything was okay.
So I started untangling 14 years of shared life.
Moved back in with my mom.
Filed for divorce.
Had the asset conversation.
And underneath all that logistics—I’ve been doing the real work: taking care of myself.
What Self-Care Actually Means (Spoiler: It’s Not All Spa Days)
Self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s not a bonus. It’s the foundation.
And I haven’t always been good at it—especially in relationships.
I was so busy making sure someone else was happy that I forgot I mattered too.
Now, when people ask how I’m doing, I say:
“I’m taking care of myself.”
Not in the “Instagram-self-care” kind of way, but in the real way.
In the “I'm choosing to show up for myself instead of abandoning myself again” kind of way.
What That’s Looked Like for Me
Listening to my body and honoring when it needs rest
Going to the float spa (because floating in silence feels like exhaling)
Saying no to perfectionism and busyness
Letting myself cry when I need to
Letting go of guilt for feeling anger, sadness, or loneliness
Giving myself permission to grieve without a deadline
Why Most People Struggle With Self-Care During Divorce
Because we were never taught that feeling your feelings is okay.
We were taught to “be strong,” “move on,” or “at least be grateful for what you had.”
Friends and family mean well, but when they say stuff like:
“You’re better off.”
“At least you have your health.”
“He wasn’t right for you anyway.”
…it doesn’t help.
It can actually make you feel worse.
So here’s what I’ve learned:
It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to grieve.
And it’s more than okay to prioritize what you need over trying to make everyone else comfortable.
“But I’m Bad at Self-Care.”
If that’s the voice in your head—same.
I used to think self-care was something other people did.
People with money. With time. With bubble baths and babysitters.
But self-care isn’t about expensive rituals.
It’s about rebuilding the connection you have with yourself.
It’s about asking: What do I need right now?
And giving yourself permission to honor that answer.
No, There’s No Step-By-Step Formula
I won’t lie to you and say, “Do these 3 things and you’ll be fine.”
That’s not how healing works. That’s not how life works.
What I can tell you is this:
The more you let go of self-judgment and lean into curiosity and compassion, the more likely you are to move through this with grace.
Even when you’re crying. Even when your heart is breaking.
Even when you’re unsure about everything.
My Practice: The Real Tools That Have Helped Me Heal
Journaling when it feels right. Not every day, just when my heart needs to speak.
Breathwork. A few deep inhales. In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8.
Listening to my body. Asking: What would feel good right now? Not what should I do, but what would feel loving to me?
Burning sage. Lighting candles. Creating rituals that help me breathe deeper.
Moving from my head to my heart. And asking her: What do you need, love?
And yes—sometimes that answer is “rest.” Sometimes it’s “rage.” Sometimes it’s “pizza and a nap.”
Try This: A Simple Practice to Connect to Your Needs
Find a quiet space and sit comfortably
Take a few deep breaths—inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8
Visualize moving your attention from your brain into your heart
Ask yourself:
What do you need right now?
What would feel good?
What would honor you today?
Write down what comes up
You may feel resistance. That’s okay. Keep breathing.
This gets easier the more you practice.
You Are Worth It
Say it with me:
I am worth my time. I am worth my love. I am worth my attention.
What you need matters.
You are not broken.
You’ve done hard, brave things before—and you’re doing it again right now.
You are the HERO you’ve been waiting for. And she is ready to rise.
